


twelve worlds of christmas

by zombiejuju



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Accidental Voyeurism, Angst, BDSM, Blow Jobs, Canon Compliant, Circle AU, College AU, Costume Parties & Masquerades, Cuddling & Snuggling, Demons AU, Deruned AU, Evil AU, F/F, F/M, Fix-It, Fluff, Gender or Sex Swap, Getting Together, Grinding, Groping, Hand Jobs, Jalec Secret Santa 2017, Love Confessions, M/M, Master/Pet, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Meet-Cute, Mundanes AU, Mutual Pining, Polyamory, Portals, Sappy Ending, Scents & Smells, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, Vampire AU, Werewolf AU, gangsters au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-24
Updated: 2017-12-24
Packaged: 2019-02-19 06:34:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13118085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zombiejuju/pseuds/zombiejuju
Summary: Alec must agree that this is a good idea—of course he would, Jace thinks to himself,he’s whipped—because next thing Jace knows, Alec is grabbing his hand and forcing him through a blinding honey colored portal.





	twelve worlds of christmas

**Author's Note:**

> This is for [Alina](http://alinok.tumblr.com/), who wanted something soft and happy. So, of course, I wrote angst, smut, and a sappy ending. Hey you. Happy holidays!
> 
> Inspired by [these](https://open.spotify.com/user/myheartisinhell/playlist/6PRwSbwAkNsFOI2L1c588D) \+ [this](http://peachisty.tumblr.com/post/163820818876/thekatediary-tiny-little-turn-ons-people).
> 
> Trigger warnings bc I'm not a _total_ POS: Death, alcohol, mental illness, physical illness, dream disorders/nightmares, abusive/controlling/manipulative/dominant behavior, neglect/fighting/arguing, violence, cheating/playing the field, internalized homophobia, rejection, body horror/scars/gore, etc., heartbreak, child abuse/neglect, torture, suicide (attempt), prejudice, animal death, mild consent issues maybe?, extreme abandonment issues, gambling, super nervous boys, and an annoying "nice guys finish last" fuckboy kind of mentality. None of this is graphic and most of it is implied/referenced/past and/or canon.
> 
> Other tags: Background Clary Fray/Jace Wayland, Background Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Implied Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood/Jace Wayland, Background Jace Wayland/Original Female Character, Implied Meliorn/Seelie Queen, Background Isabelle Lightwood/Raphael Santiago, Background Simon Lewis/Maia Roberts, Implied Clary Fray/Lydia Branwell.
> 
> (Dis)Honorable mentions: Meliorn, the Seelie Queen, Simon Lewis, Maia Roberts, Clary Fray, Lydia Branwell, the Lightwood parents, Jocelyn Fairchild, Luke Garroway, Victor Aldertree, and--of course--Valentine Morgenstern.

Alec doesn’t know for sure but he suspects that Jace returned from the dead. Of course, Jace isn’t talking. He’s skirting the issue when they _have_ to interact and avoiding Alec altogether whenever he can. Alec suspects his parabatai busies himself by getting naked with Clary somewhere.

Through their bond, Jace is there in a more intense aspect than he ever was when the parabatai rune _did_ mark their bodies. Jace’s heartbeat is constantly thrumming somewhere just beside his own. Shallow breathing just a fraction of a second different than Alec’s. A roaring in Alec’s ears, the crashing of waves in his chest and abdomen that don’t belong to him whenever the pair interact or come near each other.

Alec isn’t too sure that this is Jace, or that it’s entirely him. He needs to know what’s going on, why their parabatai runes never came back even though all of Jace’s other marks still cling to him. So he does something he promised himself that he’d never do: he goes to Magnus Bane for help with his and Jace’s joined souls.

They’re sat in Magnus’ spacious living area. Alec’s attention enraptured by Magnus’ words, gaze avid on the glossy lips of the other man. Jace pouts, arms crossed over his chest. He looks anywhere but Magnus, eyes falling on the way Alec is giving the warlock all of his attention.

“Although the problem is in this world,” Magnus starts after Alec asks for help, “Maybe cycling through other versions of yourself will help you understand yourselves and your situation better.”

“How will that work?” Alec asks. He leans forward, bottom edging off the couch. His gangly arms bend to rest on his bent knees. If Jace weren’t so pissed off that he was dragged here against his will, he’d laugh.

“Seeing your doubles and what does or doesn’t work for them might help highlight positive and negative aspects of your own relationship,” Magnus replies. He stirs his cocktail with dazzling blue smoke emanating from his well manicured pinky, “Or, maybe the problem isn’t here. Maybe your other selves are out of balance and you need to fix them in order to be at peace in our world.”

“That sounds stupid,” Jace huffs out. He turns his head to the right in the next instant so he doesn’t have to lock eyes with either of them.

“Someone needs a nap,” Magnus says, rolling his eyes in the dramatic fashion only a centuries old downworlder could perfect.

Alec must agree that this is a good idea— _of course he would_ , Jace thinks to himself, _he’s whipped_ —because next thing Jace knows, Alec is grabbing his hand and forcing him through a blinding honey colored portal.

* * *

The first thing Jace and Alec observe in their shared vision quest is Jace sitting on the plush black cushions of a vinyl couch in one of Pandemonium’s VIP booths. He has a million girls around him, in various states of undress, a plethora of curves and body parts shaking his way. Jace responds in earnest, sliding bills off his palm at them.

In this world, Jace and Alec are clearly mundanes.  No steles, no weapons, no runes. Jace does have monotone tattoos swirling over his arms in full sleeves, crossing over his shoulders and coming up the sides of his neck in words and patterns.

Jace is a privileged rich kid, which means that Jace grew up with the Herondales in this universe. Alec tells himself that even if he never got to meet Jace in this place, it’s worth it because Jace got to be...happy? Well, at least he wasn’t raised by a psychopath, had actual parents (maybe?), and didn’t have to carry the weight of the world on his shoulders (Atlas is quaking in the face of real Jace).

This world’s Alec finally comes into view and oh, he’s a spoiled brat too. His presence parts the sea, strippers and “models” tripping over themselves to get out of his way. Jace gives his Alec an apologetic look, eyes big and wide, bottom lip quivering.

Apparently just as forgiving in any universe, other Alec clambers into fake Jace’s lap. Hands gripping either side of the blond’s jaw, long fingers splaying behind the man’s ears, nails digging into his scalp. He tugs Jace into a searing, open mouthed kiss, tongues rushing in to massage each other.

Alec tugs at Jace’s hair, forcing his head to tip back. Tan neck exposed, Alec nips down the sides, biting especially hard at the expanse of flesh behind Jace’s ears. Alec pulls back, bringing his hands to wrap around Jace’s throat with just the right amount of pressure. Jace lets out a breathy sigh as Alec begins grinding down into his lap. His hands slide down Alec’s sides, from where he’s digging them into Alec’s shoulders, to give the dark haired man’s hips the same treatment

“Whoa. That’s enough,” Real Jace says. He moves in front of Alec, waving his arms in a wild fashion. He tries to use his body to block Alec from seeing their other versions, “Nothing to see here. Not the problem. Clearly.”

“We don’t know that,” Alec says. Jace, ignoring Alec’s evident disappointment, pulls him away and into a misty blue portal.

* * *

Jace and Alec are back in their own world, watching a highlight reel of betrayal through Alec’s perspective.

Jace’s initial infatuation with Clary. His obsession. His tunnel vision. A montage of Alec’s eyes trained to Jace while Jace’s own are glued to Clary. Every demand Jace makes of Alec on Clary’s behalf. Every stupid, botched mission that Jace forced Alec to do. A collection of their fights playing back like an old film in silent, exaggerated grayscale.

Jace cringes at the portrayal of himself. Harsh glares. Snarls with curled lips. Puppet mouth open wide when he yells at Alec to, “Stop it, Alec! Just stop.” Neither of them make eye contact after Jace’s outburst. Alec’s apologetic, lost expression after their fights. As if it’s his fault Jace is so distracted from their bond.

A garish light glows on them, illuminating present Alec’s face. The blank expression Alec’s worked on for the last few years sticks to his face. A portal opens in front of them, glistening crimson, just as past Alec puts his seraph blade to Jace’s throat.

* * *

Jace and Alec are college students here. At first, it’s hard to find them among the throng of frat boys and plastic girls. With some arduous work, they find Jace at a pool table. He’s curled around some girls back, “teaching” her how to shoot pool. His arm’s snug alongside hers, lips close enough to her bare shoulder to tickle it with his breath.

Alec takes in Jace’s stupid tank top, artfully damaged jeans, expensive sneakers, and _fucking_ snapback. Alec wants to call Jace out, tell him that of course he’d be a fuck boy here, but the words die on his snarky tongue as his own mirror image comes into view.

This Alec is much the same: snapback, hoodie, jeans, expensive shoes, and a big neck tattoo mocking actual runes. The character of a foreign language that idiot Alec got without knowing said language. He probably thinks it means something cool when it actually means “douche nozzle”.

Alec looks at Jace. Jace looks up from the pool table. The pair lock gazes for a moment. Alec ascends the stairs to the dorms and Jace removes himself from the girl to follow Alec upstairs.

The vision flashes into a bedroom and Jace is pressed against a wall, held in place by Alec’s firm presence. Jace licks at Alec’s neck tattoo and a pang of arousal shivers across Alec’s shoulders before he unlatches Jace from himself and drops to his knees.

Alec wastes no time in unbuttoning Jace’s pants and unzipping his fly. He tugs Jace’s pants and boxers down to half mast and, with a practiced ease, wraps nimble fingers around Jace’s erection. He strokes hard and fast, side of his hand brushing against wiry curls at the base. Alec moves his hands to grip Jace’s thighs, steadying himself as he takes Jace into his mouth.

“Why isn’t the portal opening?” Jace asks with a lilt of panic.

Alec turns to say something to Jace but he’s stopped cold. Jace isn’t looking at him, eyes focused on the scene unfolding before them. Lava courses through their bond into Alec’s veins, seeps in his chest, creeps down his abdomen, and pools at the bottom of his stomach. Then a lime green portal splits the air behind them. 

* * *

Jace is gone and Alec feels it tear through him. A sharp pain in his chest, a puncture, and Alec is collapsing onto the floor. Izzy and Magnus rush to his side, clutching at his shoulders in panic, and he realizes it must look like he’s having a heart attack.

A single tear gathers in his eye as memories of Jace fly through his mind, unable to filter and settle on just one. His breathing shallows, stutters, and then a white knuckle pain eats away at the muscle beneath his parabatai rune. He knows it before he looks. Their mark is gone. Just gone. Evaporated into thin air. Like it was never even there.

Later, everything he’s so sure of changes. Jace is back, standing there in front of him on the shores of Idris. He’s breathed in life, again, for the first time. Yet Alec senses no surge of wind. No tickling blue flame against his skin. No lighting pulsing through his veins.

Alec can feel Jace’s soul linked with his own, a light current flowing between them on invisible seas, but their parabatai mark is missing. And Alec felt it. He felt Jace die. Alec, uneasy and skeptical, brings Jace in for a bone crushing hug anyway—he _needs this_ —but Jace doesn’t think it’s tight enough.

Alec can’t hear either version of Jace’s thoughts and for once, Jace is happy that the bond doesn’t work that way. A silver portal sparkles beside them.

* * *

Jace and Alec arrive in a sorority house. An overtly feminine single suite. Sweet pink and sugar sand white cover everything, making the room sparkle and shine like it belongs in a magazine. Jace notes the bed in particular. Pink comforter, white pillows, and two canopies draping over the frame; one white, one pink.

On the bed sits two women, a blonde and a brunette and, oh God, they’re _girls_ here. Jace and Alec are sitting beside each other, facing one another, hips pressed against the other’s outer thigh. Jace brushes Alec’s cheek with her thumb, gentle hand cupping her jaw.

Jace scoots closer without crossing over onto the other woman’s lap to straddle it. She leans to the right, bringing her lips near Alec’s mouth. Alec hesitates before leaning down, lips covering Jace’s. It’s slow and unsure and awkward.

Jace grazes the tip of her tongue across Alec’s bottom lip and slides one hand under Alec’s shirt to cup a breast. A sharp inhale of surprise leaves Alec’s mouth vulnerable and Jace invades it with her tongue, running it along the inside, touching every space she can reach.

Alec’s head turns of its own volition, eyes roving over Jace’s expression. He expects Jace to be smirking. After all, it is two girls making out. Jace’s expression is somber, though, and he’s sending something too affectionate through their bond. A feeling that, as it surges through Alec’s chest, burns as much as it heals. Like the giddy feeling he used to get at seeing Jace early in the morning or late at night, just the two of them.

Alec’s attention returns to their female counterparts as Jace starts talking to Alec, clearly responding to something that went missed.

“Sorry but I’m straight. This,” Jace says, using a delicate fingertip to gesture between herself and Alec, “is never leaving my room.”

Alec flinches, eyes squeezing shut. Jace even cringes at how callous his other self sounds. He wonders who other him—her?—thinks they’re kidding.

A portal busts open to the right of them, a flaming orange. Alec all but runs into the portal, assuming that Jace is right behind him. This is a fucking nightmare cycle. More like sleep paralysis than peaceful dream walking.

* * *

Jace and Alec are talking. Jace, overwhelmed by Alec’s stature, plays it off real cool by leaning one leather clad shoulder against the wall. He makes a joke and Alec watches his lips until the punchline is said and done. His gaze roams up to Jace’s mismatched eyes and he smirks the way he’s reserved for Jace all these years. Brown eyes glistening and half of his mouth turned up, lifting his cheek with it.

Alec replies and Jace grins back, white teeth shining bright enough to make the sun jealous, canines jutting out long and sharp and pristine and _beautiful_. Dimples come out to play, leaving little divots near the corners of his lips. He turns his head, bashful, blond hair coming down to mask the blush dusting high on his cheeks.

Pride and affection bounce back and forth between their bond, warming their chests and fueling their smiles. Alec wants to kiss Jace now more than ever and, over time, the pair inch closer. Alec’s head lowers, angling his shy smile closer to Jace’s lips. They breathe each other in through little gasps. A sensation of ascension, of lightness, crawls across their chests.

Then, God uses Izzy to smite them. She comes strutting down the hall, 6 inch stilettos clacking on the linoleum. Coal hair swaying in tumultuous waves behind her head. The shabby fluorescent lighting catches on her red matte lips and ash irises, spotlighting her mouth and making her eyes twinkle. There’s something mischievous and knowing in her expression when she stops beside the two boys.

Alec’s flesh jumps, flinches, as if he’s been scalded. He aims to pull away but Jace tugs him in for a hug. He’s on his tippy toes, chin almost unable to find its place on Alec’s shoulder. Arms encircle Alec’s chest, one hand resting low on his back and the other pressing itself into the space right between Alec’s shoulder blades.

Alec pats Jace’s back and moves to pull away, but Jace is unwilling to let go. He lingers just a little while longer before returning Alec’s thump on the back. Jace lets go and tosses a charming smile Alec’s way, the kind where his eyes shine brighter than stars and a full row of teeth reveal themselves.

“Let’s go, boys,” Izzy says after they’ve had their mini cuddle sesh, “We’ve got business to handle.”

Magnus leans his silk covered shoulder against the wall for support. He’s talking to Alec, romantic comments earning him the barest hint of a flattered smile. They exchange intimate glances, eyes to lips, lips to eyes.

Departing from each other, Alec and Magnus hug. Just like Jace, Magnus stands on his toes to reach Alec. Unlike Jace, Magnus has the pleasure and ability to bring his lips to Alec’s cheek and peck it. He turns his mouth toward Alec’s ear, whispering. As he pries himself from Alec, Magnus turns to Jace with gold eyes before returning his attention to Alec.

Alec laughs in Magnus’ direction, lighthearted and carefree, before meeting Izzy and Jace at the front entrance to Magnus’ loft. Jace sulks the entire way home, kicking stray pebbles out of his way and pouting at the pavement. A downpour strikes a mile from the Institute and, if anything, it highlights Jace’s mood all the more. No lighting, no thunder. Just darkness and a crying sky.

* * *

In this realm, Alec and Jace are in bed together, down to their boxers. Alec has one leg thrown over Jace’s thigh. He’s leaning over the blond, supporting himself with the strength of his right arm. His left hand caresses all of Jace’s naked contours.

Alec dips, covering Jace’s lips with his own. Both of them have dry, cracking lips glazed in a layer of moisture from the other’s mouth. Alec pulls back to look in Jace’s eyes and the blond man is gazing back at him, eyes shining with awe. Their parabatai runes are glimmering gold sunlight like they’re being activated with angel powers instead of a stele.

“I love you,” Jace whispers, causing Alec to dive down to kiss and nip below Jace’s jaw, behind his ear, murmuring Jace’s words back at him.

Alec reaches into Jace’s boxers, grasping him firm, giving a few cursory tugs to bring Jace to full hardness. Jace’s eyelids droop shut and he sighs, relaxing against the pliant mattress. Alec collapses against Jace, resting his mouth against the other man’s neck to mumble sweet praises there. A pink portal the shade of cotton candy opens on the floor.

* * *

Jace tosses and turns in his bed at Magnus’ loft. The sheet springs up from the bed, tangling itself around Jace’s ankles. He knocks throw pillows around with each tumultuous twist of his body. The comforter hangs on to the mattress for dear life, kicked around by Jace’s muscular calves.

Sweat clings to his bare torso, pooling along his collarbones, dripping down his abdomen. He flops onto his back, fists gripping onto the expanse of sheets held in place by his body. His face contorts in pure fear and agony before he pops up in bed, a scream strangled by the gasp that makes it out instead.

Jace blinks his surroundings into focus and inhales deep. He’s not on the ship. He’s not with Valentine. He’s at Magnus’, in his new room. He kicks the sheet and blanket from himself and tosses his legs over the side of the bed to stand on weak, wobbly knees. He uses the wall to steady himself before throwing a shirt on and leaving his room for the bright lit hallway.

Magnus’ door is ajar and Jace travels to it. Maybe Magnus is awake still, maybe he can distract himself with insane and inane conversation. He peeks into the gap. Alec and Magnus are together, cuddled up, no room for Jace.

Jace bites his lip. He wants to be there with them, to siphon up any comfort they want to offer him. He also doesn’t want to appear weak or give Magnus the wrong idea. So instead, he shuffles back to his room the same way present Jace moves toward a sad, pathetic lilac portal.

* * *

Jace is impressed by how beautiful Alec is as a woman. Underneath her sangria colored cheerleading uniform, she’s all legs and no thigh gap. Made of supple curves, impossibly heavy in all the right places. Immaculate skin dotted with small brown freckles. Translucent honey eyes sparkling, outlined by curly dark lashes. Lips plump, dipped in candy pink gloss. Neat, trimmed eyebrows arch. Dark hair falls in artificial ringlets around her face.

This world’s Jace is a perfect double, except he wears a red and white letterman jacket. Alec’s pressed between Jace and a gym wall, sliding her fingers underneath the shoulders of his jacket to push it off. As the jacket falls to the floor with a muted thump, Jace places sweet, chaste kisses to every inch of Alec’s neck.

Alec drapes her arms over Jace’s shoulders, clasping one around the back of his neck and losing the other in his blond locks. Jace’s hand finds it’s way up under her skirt, grasping her through her Spanx, teasing the tips of his fingers along the middle seam. Her head lowers, forehead coming to rest against his shoulder as she shudders and sighs.

Jace moves Alec’s cheerleading briefs out of the way. He slips his index and middle fingers inside of her, rotating his fingertips to massage her clit. She rolls her hips forward, pressing herself into his hand. Between nips along her collarbone, Jace murmurs praises until she comes, eyes flying open as a harsh gasp exhales from her slack lips. Clenching onto him, she shakes and rocks as he helps her through it.

Jace and Alec are granted a flash of the couple falling in love after denying themselves for so long. A game winning touchdown and a celebratory kiss. A first public display of affection. A pastel yellow portal swirls into existence beside them.

* * *

Out of all of the memories Jace and Alec have relived, this is the shortest. The pair are in bed together a few days after Jace escapes Valentine’s ship and deals with Aldertree’s abuses. He’s sound asleep, snuggled into Alec’s side with his head resting on the taller man’s shoulder. Alec has his arm wrapped around Jace to hold him in place, safeguarding him from both literal and figurative demons. One of his hands reaches up to stroke the back of his knuckles against the sleeping man’s face.

The moment the portal arrives, Jace and Alec step into it without saying a word. Without making eye contact with each other.

* * *

Here, Jace is his absolute inverse. A demon instead of an angel. His eyes are pitch black, swallowing all light and reflecting it back in painful luminosity. His flesh is marred with untended marks of neglect, abuse, and torture instead of runes or tattoos. Burns, blisters, and gashes turned into sickly white scars. Braille sharing the worst kind of childhood.

This world’s Alec is barely better. Bouquets of punishment blossom across his body in green, purple, and blue patches. There’s a fresh red handprint on his face and someone’s fingers have left a perfect imprint on his neck.

Jace is standing in front of where Alec kneels on the floor. He’s staring up at Jace in an attentive way, hands bound behind his back by leather cuffs chained together. There’s a chain wrapped around Jace’s fist, crawling its way up to join a loop fastened to a leather collar squeezing Alec’s neck.

Jace’s hand comes up to lace itself in Alec’s hair. He yanks, tearing Alec’s head back and forcing the brunet’s collar to dig into the nape of his neck. Jace says something to Alec and, judging by a vicious slap across Alec’s face, whatever Alec replies with isn’t what Jace wants to hear. And, _oh_ , Jace is keeping Alec as his pet in this world.

Jace is saved from the searing vomit rising inside of him by a grey portal gliding into the room.

* * *

_I’ve seen it all_ , Alec tells himself. He steps onto the railing that wraps around Magnus’ balcony. The thumping of wheels over the nearby metro tracks lulls him into a sway.

He’s seen the beauty of Idris, the outskirts of New York, the Seelie realm. Magnus has taken him to see wonders of the world. He’s become Jace’s parabatai. He’s watched Izzy grow into a strong, determined woman, fighter, leader. He’s come out of the closet, kissed a man, fallen in love with two. In his own way, he’s confessed his feelings to Jace.

He’s fought with Magnus. He’s fought with Jace. He’s fought with Izzy. He’s fought his parents. He’s fought himself.

He’s witnessed himself ready to kill Jace for betraying him and Izzy (but mostly for falling in love with some _little girl_ ). He’s seen himself kill Jocelyn for failing to raise her daughter as a proper shadowhunter. For leaving Jace behind to rot under Valentine’s care. For trying to take away the one person—Clary—that Jace loved. For not killing Valentine when she had the chance. For using Magnus. For ruining their lives with all of her failures.

He’s seen Izzy and Meliorn take the fall for Clary and Jace’s missteps. He’s seen Izzy punished for standing up for what’s right. Meliorn burnt for helping shadowhunters in the Queen’s realm. He’s seen his mother scorn Izzy and love none but Jace, the violent and righteous prodigy. He’s seen Simon turned because of his best friend’s neglect. He’s seen downworlders like Raphael tortured with UV weapons by the Clave’s envoys. He’s seen Jace imprisoned by the Clave and betrayed by the entire Institute.

He thinks of all the lives ended young. Now that he knows better, has he killed innocent downworlders? Innocent people? Has he spared the lives of shadowhunters, humans, and Clave members when he shouldn’t have? He considers his own life ended young by vigorous training, by his parents molding him into a miniature adult. A little Head of the Institute. A team leader.

Alec closes his eyes, spread his wings, and starts to fall. _I’ve seen it all, there is no more to see_.

When Magnus walks out to save Alec, Alec turns to Jace in the present. He wonders if Jace can see all the things that he’s seen. Jace stares at the scene before them with round eyes that clench shut when past Alec tries to jump. A black swirling vortex opens on the floor in front of them. Alec jumps.

* * *

Jace doesn’t know what she’s doing with someone like Alec. He might be handsome and fit but he’s also always on his hustle. He’s _dangerous_. And yet, here she is in his lap, on display like a big trophy while he plays cards with his not-friends.

She turns in his lap, straddling his thighs. She hides her face in the crook of his shoulder, top lip tickling the expanse of neck exposed there. He’s betting big tonight, all in, sloshing whiskey down his throat. A buzz to the room, a hum of camaraderie, lulls her to sleep with the help of Alec’s firm hand rubbing along her spine. Holding her in place.

She wonders if it’s difficult to squander your money and pamper your princess at the same time. This always ends the same anyway. Alec will either win big and fuck her numb in victory, or he’ll lose everything, kill someone, and fuck them both numb.

It’s the latter this time.

Jace’s head perks up in alert when she hears the tell tale sign of Alec sliding a gun from his pocket. Inside, she struggles to break free—she doesn’t want to be a part of this—but in reality, she makes no move to leave. If she gives any hint about what Alec’s going to do, she’ll pay for it later.

A bang, a thump, and she’s scrambling closer to Alec, stiletto fingernails clawing into his biceps as leverage. Her chin digs into his shoulder as she muffles a squeek of panic into his jugular. He shushes her, a soothing hand making its way across her shoulders, up the back of her neck.

A broken moan and a pained sigh later, Jace is resting her sleepy head in Alec’s covered lap. He’s using the knuckles of one hand to rub up and down her bare side. The other tangles and untangles itself in her frazzled blonde curls.

In a daze, Jace and Alec climb into a sparkling white portal.

* * *

Their own war torn home. Jace, Alec, Izzy, and Clary are together fighting a horde of lesser demons. It’s an easy mission and they’re victorious. Jace makes the final score, slicing an opponent in half when it’s trying to sneak up on Clary.

Hunter’s Moon. Jace is drunk, slumped over the bar with a round of empty shot glasses in front of him. His hair is falling into his eyes and Maia is sashaying over to him, refilling his glass and whispering something to him. Alec, Izzy, and Clary aren’t around.

Jace in a hotel bed. There’s a girl in his lap, riding him. He’s gripping her hips brutal enough to bruise and the fact that he hasn’t broken her in half proves she not a mundane. Alec can’t see any outward sign of her being a downworlder. Warlock, probably.

Jace’s eyes squeeze shut, grasp on the girl’s hips clenching harder. His head falls back onto the pillow, mouth going slack, eyebrows furrowing in concentration as the girl collapses onto him. Alec’s own eyes flutter shut, bile swirling around in his stomach, icy sweat breaking out over his shoulders and neck.

Alec shivers, shaking it off, and opens his eyes again to find Jace alone. He’s on the edge of a bed in his boxers, upright, legs tossed over the side. He’s cradling his head in his hands. A forlorn, distant look in eyes trained to the carpet. His head drops lower until his spine his perfectly curved.

Jace going through the motions. Heroism. Alcohol. One night stand. A mental breakdown. Repeat. Heroics. Alcohol. Sex. Mental breakdown. Repeat. Hero. Drink. Fuck. Breakdown. Repeat. It whirls around the ghosts of Jace and Alec until the visions land on a tableau.

The last image appears as a fiery portal opens beside them. Jace sprints towards it, leaving Alec alone in his parabatai’s mind. In front of him, Alec sees Jace in the center of a room. Clary, Alec, and Izzy are all walking away from him. There’s an air of abandonment here. Alec leaves Jace’s worst nightmare, shuffling toward the portal, eyes never leaving this phantom responsible for tormenting Jace.

* * *

It’s midnight. The moon hangs heavy in the sky, light gray clouds dancing by it. Stars might be out, and they might be sparkling, but the moon’s full figure blocks out any chance her little sisters have of outshining her.

Jace is devouring a deer, incisors and canines gnawing at the creature’s supple flesh, blood spewing into her waiting mouth, when she hears a twig snap behind her. She jumps away from her victim, turning toward the sound while wiping carnage from her lips and chin.

There’s a girl there, someone around Jace’s age. Jace wants the ground to swallow her hole. She’s always so careful. She’s never been caught feeding. Nobody besides her clan even knows she’s a vampire, not even her family. Then she realizes that the girl opposite her is...naked, save for a scuffed leather jacket?

Jace’s eyes widen at the realization that this naked girl is wearing _her_ leather jacket, the one she had dropped on the ground so she wouldn’t stain it during dinner. An aroma drifts through the breeze into Jace’s nostrils. She sniffs at it, taking it in for only a second before hissing and vaulting away from the naked girl. Her back collides with a sturdy pine tree, hands digging into the bark. _Werewolf_.

“Uh, hi,” The girl starts, zipping the jacket shut over her body. She’s thin and dainty, making the leather long and wide enough to cover everything from view. She steps forward and reaches her hand out, “I’m Alec. And uh, this is your jacket. Which, I’m totally sorry about, by the way. It’s just, uh, this is a first for me. Waking up in the woods naked, and I, uh, needed clothes.”

Jace’s eyes narrow at the proffered hand but she steps away from the tree, releasing her strong grip on it. She inches closer to Alec but doesn’t take her hand. Alec drops her hand by her side, bashful, and peeks over Jace’s shoulder to see the damaged bark. It’s punctured by a perfect indent of Jace’s frame, especially where her hands clawed into the wood.

“So, uh, what are you?” Alec asks, hazel eyes twinkling in the moonlight as she returns her focus to Jace.

“Vampire,” Jace says. Her left eyebrow quirks and she turns her back to Alec, walking away, “I’ll take you to the New York pack but then I have to go.”

“Wait,” Alec replies, running to catch up with the other girl, “Where do you live?”

“We shouldn’t be friends.”

“Okay, but how am I gonna return your jacket to you if I don’t know where you live?”

“Keep it.”

One night, Jace exits Hotel Dumort only to find her jacket on the stoop outside. She hastily retrieves it and throws it over her shoulders.. It smells like dog, like Alec. She hopes all at once that her smell will cover Alec’s and that Alec’s smell will cling to her.

Every night that passes without Alec feels like both a blessing and a curse. She wants to learn more about Alec, become close to her, but Jace knows what her clan would think if they found out she was nice to a werewolf.

 

Jace’s warning to stay away works for a little over a month. The next full moon. It’s this night, moments from midnight, that Raphael’s usually calm voice hollers and panic rolls among the suites. Apparently, a wolf is outside the door of the Hotel Dumort, pawing to get in. And, _oh shit_ , Jace smells Alec.

Jace hops down from her frumpy mattress, flashes down the hall, and descends the stairs fast as light travels. She hip checks Raphael out of the way and opens the door a sliver, sliding out into the brisk darkness. Alec, fully turned, backs away far enough to let Jace onto the landing.

“Go, shoo,” Jace tries, flimsy hand gesture failing to scare Alec away. Instead, the black and brown dusted canine rubs herself along Jace’s calves, fur tickling against golden skin. Jace drops her palm to Alec’s head, giving her a small pat before using it to push her away by the snout, “No! I told you that you can’t be here. We can’t be friends.”

Alec nips at Jace’s hand, _don’t touch my snout_ , but whines when Jace recoils, _don’t leave me_. Jace sighs and opens the door for Alec, letting her trot into the hotel. Jace follows Alec, head down and gaze following the red and gold patterns of the hallway carpet.

It’s a walk of shame as each and every vampire glares in curiosity at her and her newfound pet. Vehement in his hatred and disappointment, Raphael stands beside the base of the staircase with his arms crossed and a face of stone.

Upstairs, in Jace’s room, on a bed she never uses because she actually sleeps in a coffin, Alec’s animal form curls up to her side, sleepy head resting on Jace’s extended arm.

 

Jace and Alec’s friendship grows steady, much to the chagrin of family members on both sides, for the months preceding mating season. The day mating season starts, Jace is woken by Alec in her room.

Alec grips both fists around Jace’s comforter and tugs, sliding it from beneath Jace. The vampire rolls onto the floor, lying there a moment in shock before springing up into a standing position. Alec mumbles out an apology for the rude awakening.

“What are you doing?” Jace asks. She crosses her arms over her black bralette and glares at Alec’s busy form. Alec’s rushing around the bed, placing blankets and pillows in a plush oval. Jace thinks that it looks kind of like a….oh. It’s a nest. A love nest. This is _mating season_ , “Is this….?”

Alec nods and Jace watches in stunned amazement as Alec pries her jeans open and shimmies out of them. They fall to the floor, pooling around her feet, and she kicks out of them, ankles flinging them against the wall. She lifts her baggy shirt off and tosses it in the direction of her pants. Just in her panties, she paces over to Jace’s closet and digs through it before retrieving a leather jacket. The same one she stole before.

“I’m keeping this now,” Alec says, sniffing at the collar— _Jace_ —and striding back over to the bed. She hops into the center of the nest, bumpy mattress jiggling with the effort.

One hand clutching the jacket to her nose, she uses to the other to pat the space beside her. It’s an invitation intensified by the way Alec’s eyes, wide as the moon, glisten at Jace. She _can’t_ refuse Alec’s offer, so she saddles up in bed beside her.

“I love you,” Alec says. She worries her lip with her top front teeth and reaches a hand out for Jace’s bare arm. She caresses cold flesh with warm fingertips, “I know I’m not supposed to, you’ve made that pretty clear, but I can’t help it.”

“Me too,” Jace assures, grabbing Alec’s fingers in her hand. She presses a kiss to them before lacing their hands together.

 

The full moon is gravitating Alec toward it, the rhythmic push and pull of blood shifting and boiling. Jace finishes her nap and comes face to face with Alec’s luminescent daisy eyes. Like the day they met, Alec is naked now, save for a leather jacket draped over her front.

Jace inches closer and, in close proximity with Alec, Jace can smell her slick. It’s acrid, a little like death. Jace thinks that’s part of being a vampire, not liking the way werewolves smell during mating season. There’s the smell of pure _Alec_ though, of honeysuckle and merlot, and that’s redemptive.

“Move the jacket,” Jace says, voice hoarse. Alec complies, rolling the black leather into a pillow and cushioning the back of her head with it. If she turns her head to the side, she can still smell _Jace_ on it.

Jace hooks one leg over Alec’s thigh, bringing her nearly undressed form to rest against the other girl’s side. She rests three fingertips against Alec’s sternum, tracing them down over Alec’s stomach, onto the flesh covering her hips. They come to rest at the base of Alec’s thighs, right beside her opening.

Index and middle finger bound together, Jace slides herself into Alec’s wet, slippery heat. She pumps her fingers in and out, hard and fast, curling them against the brunette’s g-spot. Alec whimpers, head tossed back and to the side so, even lost in ecstasy, she can surround herself with _Jace_.

Maybe Alec is too keyed up, waited too long for Jace to wake up. Maybe it’s that this is Alec’s first heat. Or maybe, Alec just hasn’t been with someone in a _really_ long time. Jace thinks that would make the most sense, given that Alec hasn’t been a werewolf long enough to know how to control herself during intimate situations. Whatever the reason, it doesn’t take Alec long to come.

Alec starts transforming, bones cracking as a cry of pleasure strangles itself in her throat. Jace doesn’t know whether to be more concerned about Alec changing in a house full of vampires or the fact that everyone now knows exactly what they’re doing.

Alec’s incisors and canines force their way into her own bottom lip, drawing spots of blood along the dry, cracked skin there. Her hands tangle in the sheets, claws starting to protrude and slice the fabric. Her hips convulse in time with her labored breathing and clenching stomach.

As the werewolf starts to come down, a portal the shade of pumpkins opens behind Jace and Alec.

“What a cop out! Saying ‘me too’ instead of ‘I love you,” Jace says.

“Right. That’s what you’re mad about,” Alec replies. He rolls his eyes and scoffs, “Definitely not the fact that the cosmos are cockblocking you from watching lesbians.”

“They deserve better than that. Respect them,” Jace says as he steps into the portal, “They’re _us_ , after all.”

* * *

This world is totally fucked and it makes Alec sick to his stomach. Here, all shadowhunters are the same. Jace, Izzy, and himself aren’t beacons of equality between shadowhunters and downworlders. No. They’re Circle members actively trying to exterminate downworlders.

Jace and Alec fall into their place as spectators when this universe’s Jace and Alec are naked in bed together. Their parabatai runes are glowing an infernal red, a damning shade that illuminates the entire room. Alec is straddling Jace’s thighs, hands sweeping over the contours of the other man’s toned torso. Hands glide down Jace’s abs, making the blond’s stomach contract as he holds his breath in anticipation.

Jace’s lips are red and swollen, kiss bitten, and there are sharp bite marks, shaded currant, littering his neck and collarbones. His wrists are bound to the headboard, ankles kept apart by a spreader bar, cock ring snug over the base of his erection.

Alec _finally_ brings his hands down, nails scraping over the hardened flesh of Jace’s thighs before his right hand wraps around Jace’s erection. A moan breaks the contemplative silence.

With a gag and a shiver, Alec recognizes there’s no soundless rune or any other form of protection to prevent their doubles from getting caught. Something breaks in Jace at that point. He steps a fraction of inch away from Alec’s side and clears his throat. A strange sensation throbs through their own parabatai bond, like blood warming after being exposed to cold weather.

“That’s about right,” Jace says, making Alec’s head snap to the side to stare at him in surprise. Without returning Alec’s gaze, he continues, “Valentine _would_ risk the parabatai bond for science.”

“This is the problem,” Alec says, so sure of himself until a glistening celeste portal opens beside them. He disagrees with the cosmos. Him and Jace are prejudiced assholes in this world who also happen to be breaking the Clave’s laws and sullying the sanctity of their vows. He lets himself be tugged by the wrist into the next dimension anyway.

* * *

A mundane biker bar on Route 66. Jace is sitting at a worn down, chipped bar made of cherry wood. Alec is behind the counter, sloshing tequila into double shot glasses for them. He places the bottle back onto the shelf behind himself and slides one of the drinks to Jace. They pick up their vials in unison, nod at each other ceremonially, and knock the shots back.

Alec sees a solemnity in it, something painful that doesn’t exist in their other mundane doppelgängers. Alec thinks that these clones look pretty standard. Swoopy blond hair, leather jackets, ruffled black hair, frayed jeans, boots, and obvious childhood trauma. In fact, if they had leg holsters and glowing swords, Alec might’ve gotten confused about his own identity and reality.

“Look at other you’s neck,” Jace says, breaking Alec’s silent reverie. He points to not Alec’s neck, to what used to be an inky black deflect rune but now appears to be the scar of an untreated burn, “They used to be _us_.”

Alec wishes he were surprised. Jace asks, faint, what could even lead them to be deruned. Why are they still together despite their circumstances? Despite exile? Alec shrugs but his guilty heart hangs heavy in his chest.

“Do you think this is the problem?” Jace asks. He’s smaller than usual, voice little and unsure, shrunken in on himself. Alec hasn’t heard that tone since the first year Jace was with the Lightwoods, and never in the light of day, “Is this what they wanted us to see?”

The pair get their answer in another wispy cyan portal splitting through the air.

* * *

They’re _home_...just in time for the stupid Masquerade ball that Alec has decided to throw. It’s for shadowhunters and downworlders, part of his Downworlder Cabinet initiative. He thinks that, just like masquerade balls used to break barriers between different social classes, this one will break them between descendants of angels and those of demons.

Don’t get Jace wrong. It’s not the idea of these distinct separations being torn down that bothers him but the idea of the dance itself that’s crawling under his skin, picking at his nerves. He knows that everyone will have a date to this thing, that all of his friends and family will be having fun without him. Alec is going with Magnus, Izzy with Raphael, Maia with Simon, and Clary found solace from Jace’s disinterest in “friendship” with Lydia.

Before the torture, Jace has to go through the torment of going over the evidence collected from their dream hopping.

Alec sits behind his mahogany desk of destined power, spine erect and nimble archer fingers dancing over pages in a manilla folder. He’s resolutely not looking at Jace, who’s doing his part to look calm on the stuffy brown couch opposite Alec’s executive chair.

“Did you take notes?” Jace asks. It’s meant to be venomous, mocking, but his own fear betrays him in a hoarse, shaky voice.

“Yes, actually,” Alec responds, looking up at Jace and locking eyes, “Which world would you like to start with?”

Alec taps a stack of papers onto the tabletop to organize them into a neat pile, stapling them together. The sharp crunch makes something in Jace hammer and flinch. He hides his surprise, save for his eyes which snap shut for a moment before flying back open.

“Ours, I guess.”

“Are you sure?” Alec asks. Jace nods, “Okay. I’ve organized the memories in chronological order.”

“The beginning. It was...our fighting when Clary got here. I know that my apology was half assed. I was blinded by a lot of shit at the time.”

“I’m over it,” Alec says, hand raised to stop Jace from rambling. Something that happens when he gets too anxious. Something that only himself and Izzy have ever seen. The need to explain himself to avoid punishment. Something _Valentine_ taught him, instilled in him.

“You’re not, though. So. I’m sorry. For ignoring you. For putting the bond at stake. For putting her above it. For manipulating you into doing stuff you didn’t want to do, stuff that went against who you are as a person. For not respecting your authority as our leader. I’m sorry for all of the fighting.”

“It’s...okay. You can only witness the world through your own eyes, you know?”

Jace nods, “That’s probably the point of this, right? Fix it instead of just pushing forward like the soldiers we were raised to be.”

“I’m sorry for threatening to kill you,” Alec says, and it sounds so ridiculous compared to Jace’s minor crimes that Jace laughs hard and loud. It’s contagious, making even the emotionally repressed Alec let out a few small laughs.

Jace wasn’t laughing when it happened, though. He was devastated. His laughing subsides the moment he remembers the feeling of betrayal on both ends. It makes its way through their bond, destroying Alec’s joy too.

“That, um, one time it looked like we were going to kiss?” Alec asks. He drops his sight onto an inky blotch on his notes, finger and thumb flipping the bottom right corner of each page up before dropping them altogether.

“I don’t know what you want me to say about that,” Jace replies, tucking his sweaty palms against the denim beneath his thighs.

“Would we, uh, have if Izzy hadn’t shown up?”

“Probably,” Jace shrugs as if it’s not a big deal, kissing your parabatai, especially when he’s a guy and you’re presumed to be straight. But there’s a pounding, racing heartbeat slamming itself behind Alec’s own.

“And...all that comparison stuff with Magnus after?”

“Yeah, well, Magnus can be a dick. Especially when he actually knows what he’s doing.”

“What does that mean?” Alec asks and Jace shrugs, making Alec sigh, “Okay. _Another_ thing you’re not going to tell me.”

Jace’s attention zeros in on Alec’s face, searching for _something_ that he must not find—or maybe, he does?—because the pout returns to his face.

“Nightmares,” Jace says.

“I don’t care what you think. Love is not weakness. You can come to me any time. You can come to _us_ any time,” Alec says, “I thought that’d be clear given the way I snuggled you a couple of days after all that bullshit was said and done.”

Jace picks up on the implied ‘him and _Magnus_ ’. Even after all of this, Magnus is still in the picture. Though, what was Jace really expecting? When did Magnus even become a problem? What about all of the things Magnus has done for him? Taking him in and chasing the demons away. But what about all of the things Magnus has taken from him? Alec, mostly. Only. The last thing Alec says, about cuddling, does manage to pull a smirk from the depths of Jace’s gloom.

“Do you,” Jace starts, “want to talk about Magnus’ party?”

“It was just the spell.”

“It was more than that. We were all fucked up. You were the only one who ended up out _there_.”

“There was...so much pain. Violence. Death. Betrayal. Loss. Punishment. Animosity.”

“Talk is cheap,” Jace says. It’s overplayed but the scolding edge holds fast, “You say all this shit about me talking to you but you never use _your_ parabatai card.”

“You had enough going on.”

“Yeah, well seeing you up there just added to my list of shit going on.”

“I’m _sorry_ ,” Alec’s face scrunches up and cringes. Jace decides to let it go, sending love and comfort through their bond. Does he really have the right to judge Alec given all of his own screw ups? Alec feels it and breathes a sigh of relief before redirecting, “You died. How are you back?”

“Not happy to see me, parabatai?”

“Are you happy to be back?”

Jace pauses, “Yes.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t know. You’ve been avoiding me.”

“I’ve been busy.”

“Yeah, I know. I’ve seen what you’ve been busy with. Fighting, drinking, fucking, crying, letting yourself be crushed by your fear of abandonment.”

“Don’t talk about that,” Jace hisses out.

“What about Clary? Why haven’t you been busy with Clary?”

“Because I don’t love her like that. Anymore,” Jace blurts out, cracking under the pressure of Alec’s interrogation. Alec’s eyes widen, round with unfiltered surprise, at Jace’s confession. Jace’s next words, however, cause them to narrow into a glare, “Maybe you’ve been too busy with Magnus. Couldn’t help but notice that, despite the two of you breaking up, he was all over you.”

“Yeah. He was concerned because I fell to the floor. Izzy was there too,” Alec scoffs, “How are you back?”

“I don’t know.”

“Stop lying. Something is wrong,” Alec says. A wounded expression crosses over Jace’s face, eyes puppy pout big and lips a grim line. He trains his face into indifference. Alec’s hands move rapid between them, pointing to Jace, then gesturing between them twice, “Not with you. With our bond. With us. What’s going on?”

“Clary wished for me to come back,” Jace admits, “And I’d count the missing rune as a blessing.”

Alec isn’t sure what shocks him more, Clary having a chance to get her mom back but saving Jace instead or that Jace is happy that they aren’t technically parabatai anymore, “Why?”

“Because she fell in love with me.”

“No...why?”

“Because,” Jace pauses, connecting their gazes once more, as if punctuating his statement with a soul deep intensity, “You can’t be with your parabatai. No mark, no visible bond.”

“Uh,” Alec stammers before finally pushing it out, “What happened to your feelings for Clary?”

“I don’t know. I just...thought about you first. About if you were hurting, where you were, if you missed me, that I missed you, how sorry I was, that I was going to fix everything. I was looking at her face, she was right there in front of me, but I wasn’t seeing her. Just you.”

“That’s what all the weird stuff coming from your end was,” Alec replies, catching on with a gasp, eyes comically big, “You’re...you...can’t. No.”

Alec stands too fast, chair tipping and reaching the floor with a crash behind him.

Jace stands in protest, stopping Alec from running out through sheer will power pumping through their bond, “I can and I do. Just think about it. In every single version, we were together. No matter what. And, okay, sure, some of those worlds weren’t perfect. But it just goes to show that no matter what, we stick together!”

“No,” Alec objects.

“But what about the other worlds where things were good?”

“No,” Alec says. He’s tired and cranky and bothered by _all_ of this. A migraine is working its way behind both of his eyes. He pinches the bridge of his nose, eyes fluttering open and shut.

“In one world, we were deruned. How do you think that happened?”

“No. For fuck’s sake, Jace. No!” Alec says. He slams his bare palms onto the desk. Jace flinches but he won’t be deterred.

“Not getting my mark back, it saved us from that. I was young and stupid and weak and _afraid_ so I took you in the only way I thought was okay, and we’ve both paid for it,” Jace’s passionate voice lowers into a whisper, “I liked it, okay. I liked the moments where you took care of me. Places where we were in love. The one where we said ‘I love you’, that was my favorite.”

“You know what I learned from those worlds? It was a good thing we didn’t end up together. We were monsters, or selfish, or both. We have responsibilities, people who depend on us. You can’t just _like_ me now. It’s not fair. I’m with Magnus. I’m head of the Institute…”

“Yeah, and who gave you that? Who gave you any of that? I gave _my_ title to you.”

“You said I deserved it!”

“I encouraged you to be with Magnus.”

“And now you’re trying to take _that_ from me.”

“I’m _happy_ ,” Alec says, rubbing at his eyes with the back of his knuckles, “After being so miserable in love with you my whole life. I’m _happy_. You can’t take this from me. You can’t decide you want me. Not now. It’s too late.”

Alec punctuates the finality of his statement by storming out of his own office, door slamming shut behind him. He leaves a defeated Jace in his wake, an angel boy with a distant stare fixed to the place Alec just ran from.

* * *

Alec, Magnus, and Jace are at the ball first. Magnus insisted on supervising everything, micromanaging down to the last detail. Jace and Alec helped decorate, with Izzy and Maia’s assistance, of course. But the girls are off preening for the dance while the boys are stuck making last minute adjustments.

The entire ballroom is white and gray, doused in an abundance of silver glitter. Floor and ceiling made of blinding linoleum. Streamers and fishnets draping from the ceiling and over birch archways covered in balloons. The walls covered in funhouse mirrors.

Magnus had dressed the three of them accordingly. Jace’s in an off-white suit and a spiraling metallic mask. Magnus’ muted glittering gold suit and matching jester mask. Alec’s navy blue suit combined with a black lace mask.

Random guests filter in alongside melodic, light, wavering instrumentals as Jace finds his way to a corner table, plastic cup of adult fruit punch in his right hand. He sips at it as he observes his friends and family. Izzy, Raphael, Maia, and Simon have been inseparable since they entered, dancing with each other in a tight knit circle. Clary and Lydia have disappeared somewhere, probably off to do “just friend” things. Luke is talking to Meliorn in a corner, who showed up fashionably late with the Seelie Queen in tow and, Jace wonders, _who the fuck thought it was a good idea to invite that bitch_?

Jace’s attention focuses on Magnus and Alec standing next to the exit. They’re discussing something intently. Magnus’ eyes keep darting from Alec to Jace. He nods at Alec once and, next thing Jace knows, Alec is in front of him with an outstretched hand.

“What?” Jace asks, hardened gaze staring at Alec’s proffered hand.

“Will you dance with me?”

“No.”

“Why not?” Alec asks, hand drooping to lay near his own right hip.

“Because you’re _happy_ without me. I make you miserable. Together, we’re selfish monsters,” Jace rubs a cold palm along his dark brows a few times to steady himself. His voice shakes anyway, “You just left me standing there.”

“I’m sorry. About all of that. Especially leaving you there. I didn’t mean it. I was scared and confused and surprised. You remember what that feels like, right? You said it yourself, about when we were younger, about asking me to be your parabatai.

“I was in the wrong,” Alec continues, “You apologized for stuff that had bothered me for so long and recognized that we needed to fix our bond. And when you needed me to be brave too, I just panicked and flew away.”

Alec tries again, reaching a hand out to Jace in a request to dance. This time, Jace takes it and lets himself be taken to the center of the dance floor. In place, Jace puts both of his hands on Alec’s shoulders, thumbs close enough to Alec’s neck to brush against it. Alec suppresses a shiver at the intimacy, bringing Jace close to him, hands gripping the slighter man’s waist. Together, they sway to a nostalgic, romantic instrumental.

“You were honest with me, so I’ll do you the same,” Alec says, leaning down to whisper in Jace’s ear, “My favorite part of our memories was seeing how jealous my relationship with Magnus made you. I know it’s not healthy, wanting that reaction out of you, but it was sickly satisfying after all those years of pining after you.”

Jace hums, not minding that Alec wants his attention, and brings himself impossibly closer to Alec. He rests the side of his head against the taller man’s chest, ear pressed to the brunet’s heartbeat.

“I’ll never leave you, you know? Ever. No matter what,” Alec says before pressing a chaste kiss to the top of Jace’s head, lips caressed by the coiffed blond strands there. Jace hums again.

“Do you still like me? Still want me?” Jace asks. He moves his head from Alec’s chest and leans back to look up at him. Hope, promise, all shining in gorgeous eyes made of Heaven and Earth alike.

“ _Yes_ ,” Alec replies on a breathy exhale, powerless under Jace’s stare. He falters beneath it and tries to hide his face against the side of Jace’s head, but Jace dodges the movement in a sly, inconspicuous manner which forces Alec to speak his mind, “Be my boyfriend?”

Astonished, Jace replies with, “What about Magnus?”

“We’ve got it figured out. Don’t worry about it.”

“I don’t know what that means,” Jace says, “But it doesn’t sound good.”

“It’s fine,” Alec says, bending down and kissing the corner of Jace’s mouth, “As long as you don’t mind sharing.”

Jace smirks and decides that, _no_ , he doesn’t mind sharing. He turns his head to connect his mouth with Alec’s, right hand sliding up the side of Alec’s neck to come and rest on his jaw, cupping it. The other occupies itself with running up the back of Alec’s neck. His lips flutter over Alec’s for an eternity without deepening the kiss, without trying to ruin it.

“Is that a yes then?” Alec asks when Jace _finally_ reliquinishes his hold on him.

“Yes, you big knuckle dragger. Yes, I’ll be your boyfriend.”

Alec is not prepared for the bubbling, teeth clenching joy he feels tearing its way through both of them. It’s the same elation and freedom that came with coming out, with kissing Magnus at his botched wedding. It’s an emotion dancing along their bond that says, “you _can_ have it all.”


End file.
